Increasing Your Tolerance of Discomfort

Trauma and the Window of Tolerance

I work with many clients who have a history of trauma. Some traumatic events occurred years ago in early childhood and others may have occurred a few months, weeks, or even days ago. I believe that talk therapy is a useful, helpful method to process, cope with, and recover from trauma. 

However, simply talking about the traumatic events themselves alone might not be helpful. To some, it might even feel like talk therapy is making their symptoms worse because they feel like they are just coming to therapy and reliving their old wounds. 

This is where I think it’s important to consider your Window of Tolerance. The term “window of tolerance” was coined by Dr. Dan Siegel and refers to the most comfortable “zone” in which our nervous system is regulated and is not either hyperaroused or hypoaroused. 

Some people with trauma have a narrow window of tolerance as a result of what they’ve experienced. This is because the thoughts and emotions from the past are invasive and intrusive in the present as if the body believes you are still trying to survive a traumatic event. 

The window of tolerance is not only necessary to consider in the therapy room, but in day-to-day life as well. Hyperarousal or hypoarousal of the nervous system causes executive functioning of the brain (goal setting, organizing, emotional control, time management, and so on) is overridden by the region of our brain that is responsible for the fight, flight, freeze, or fawn response. In other words, chronically spending time outside of the window of tolerance can worsen trauma symptoms, interrupt necessary daily functioning, and negatively impact overall life satisfaction.

Characteristics of the Window of Tolerance

In the window of tolerance, you are more tuned in to a sense of groundedness, flexibility, openness, and curiosity. As noted previously, you are also better able to be organized, plan what you need to plan for the day and week ahead, and even tap into some creativity. The more time you spend managing your window of tolerance, the easier it will be for you to come back to a regulated state after being dysregulated.

Hyperarousal

Hyperarousal can best be described as the “fight, flight, or freeze” response that you are probably already somewhat familiar with. Your body may perceive a threat, even if you aren’t currently in any actual danger. This can feel out of control. When the nervous system is in a hyperaroused state, you could experience: 

• Angry outbursts 

• Fear 

• Anxiety 

• Emotional overwhelm

• Panic 

• Hypervigilance 

• Tight muscles 

• “Deer in the headlights” freeze

Hypoarousal

Hypoarousal is a “shut down” or “collapse” response. Just like the state of hyperarousal, the nervous system could enter this state when you feel threatened, think about traumatic memories, or feel emotions associated with past trauma. In a hypoaroused state, you could experience: 

• Depression

• Numbness

• Emptiness

• Blank stare

• Inability to speak

• Dissociation

What’s the Goal?

Don’t get me wrong, it is absolutely okay, natural, and even necessary to spend moments outside of our window of tolerance. It is problematic when it feels like your body can’t “return” to a regulated, balanced state. So, the goal is not to NEVER spend time outside the window of tolerance. A more useful goal would be to learn how to manage the moments outside the window. In fact, this is often done by pushing your body to a state of discomfort in a safe environment and utilizing coping skills to regulate again. Managing your window of tolerance (increasing your tolerance of discomfort) calls for a delicate balance of inducing “good stress” in the body while practicing nervous system regulation techniques.

Intentionally Going Outside the Window of Tolerance (“The Good Stress”)

There are safe ways to induce stress in the body in a safe environment. Intentionally doing things like this teaches your body (over time) that it can survive difficult things. The idea with “good stress” techniques is to fully switch on the stress response in your body so that your body will naturally regulate again as it is designed to do. Some of these things you could already be in the habit of doing, while others could be new to you. A few of these activities include:

• Cold exposure: This could be sitting for a few minutes in a cold pool or bath. Another option is turning the water to cold for the last 30 seconds of your shower. Whichever option you choose, pay attention to how your body feels and try to control your breathing.

• Exercise: This could include rigorous cardio (High Intensity Interval Training) or high resistance weight training. Isometric poses (planks, wall sits, etc.) cause physical and mental tension. Yoga is a great example of an activity utilizing poses like this and is often recommended for trauma recovery because holding difficult postures while focusing on the breath teaches your body to tolerate discomfort.

• Breathwork: Breathing techniques such as the box breathing method or Wim Hof method are good options to stimulate a stress response in the body.  

 Every Day Nervous System Regulation Techniques

I want to note some small practices that can be gradually implemented to your routine and help with overall nervous system regulation over time. You can also practice these techniques after any of the “good stress” practices mentioned before. The goal of these is to help your body step back into the “regulated” state.

• Mindfulness/meditation: The goal of mindfulness is not necessarily to “shut the brain off” and have no thoughts circling through your mind. Instead, it is to practice acknowledgment and acceptance of your thoughts and body sensations as you notice them. This increases self-awareness and helps you practice nonjudgment (which will reduce shame in the long run). 

• Slow, gentle breathwork: The breathwork techniques mentioned before are meant to induce a stress response in the body. However, regular practice of gentler breathwork will help you calm back down. This can be as simple as focusing on taking deeper and deeper breaths over the course of a few minutes.

• Tune into all 5 senses: At random points throughout the day, make note of 5 things you can see, 4 things you can physically touch/feel, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste.

In the End

I like to use some of these methods and techniques in the therapy room to help clients begin to regulate their nervous system. This is especially helpful for those who come in to work through trauma. Although, all of this is helpful for anyone going through an emotionally intense chapter in their lives. One of the goals of therapy is for you to not need it anymore. So, I share some of these thoughts and techniques for you to take in your everyday life and not just in the therapy room.